NEWS OF THE DAY

Libya Shmibya! Here are some news stories I consider to be the top picks of the day:

- ECONOMY: I have 7 dollars in my bank account. Must stretch this over the next few days. The big question on everyone's mind is: Will I spend the money on wine or scratch tickets?

- FOOD and LIFESTYLE: My cup of noodles had a hole in the cup and I burned my hand. I've decided against finding burn cream, and transferred the soup to someone else's Tupperware that I found in the cupboard. Then I dropped my fork on the floor.

- WORLD: I have finally admitted to myself that I will never be able to take a trip to Greece.

- LOCAL: My co-worker is clipping her fingernails at her desk again.

- ENTERTAINMENT: I am watching that episode of The Office "Benihana Christmas" on my iPod for the 3rd time today. Only 2 more watches until my day is over.

- REAL ESTATE: My landlord has still not fixed the bubbled up paint next to the shower. Also, there is a fly in the house I can't get rid of.

- TECHNOLOGY: I have two monitors.

- SPORTS: I could save my work's softball team from their slump with my high batting average but they didn't ask me to play and I wouldn't want to show them that side of me anyway. Too high profile.

- HEALTH AND FITNESS: No.

- EDITORIAL: If something doesn't change soon I'm going to steal something. High on my list is the ranch dressing in the fridge with the initials RLH on it.

- TRAVEL: I get to leave in 1 hour and 11 minutes.