What Ever Happened? Take 2

soon i will have a podcast to post up in this piece. i want to start putting up podcasts like once a week. this will not happen. but it is my goal. goals are nice, right? ah, goals.

i remember when my goal in life was to watch every episode of hey dude. that sense of accomplishment. nothing like it. and 20 years later, what can i say?

I can say:

1. Ted was better than Jake and Kyle put together.

2. Danny had no neck.

3. Acting is hard.


I mean, YOU try to act like a 17 year old when you are actually a 17 year old. HARD. Right?? Why do you think they cast 30 year olds to play 15ers? Let's see what they're all up to now:


DAVID BRISBIN AKA MR. ERNST

Oh, Mr. Ernst. He bugged me until I saw David Brisbin on ER and I was all Mr. Ernst doesn't know what he's doing! He was an accountant turned ranch owner. Now he's a doctor?? Then I found out he's married to Laura Innes of ER fame and it all made sense.

OK. UPDATE. From now on I am just pasting from someone else's website. At least the pictures. But I figure I should call that out. Someone else already did the work for me! How nice of them.

The website is here: http://topcultured.com/where-are-they-now-nickelodeons-hey-dude/

If you don't feel like clicking but rather scrolling, let's continue:


CHRISTINE TAYLOR AKA Melody Hanson

You should all know now that Christine Taylor married Ben Stiller and has little Stiller babies. Now she is in Stiller movies. But doesn't go by Stiller. And she was great on Arrested Development! Well I don't remember if she was great. But she was there. I saw her face.


KELLY BROWN AKA BRADLEY TAYLOR

I loved Bradley Taylor. I loved her lots. She was so much more sophisticated than stupid Melody Hanson. She apparently has no career now, so all that horse knowledge obviously got her nowhere.


DAVID LASCHER AKA TED MCGRIFF

Runner up on "Who's Working The Most Now" is my buddy, David Lascher. He was on Blossom, 90210, other stuff, that Sabrina show...Now he's married with a baby. Miss you, Ted.


JOE TORRES AKA DANNY "NO NECK" LIGHTFOOT

Ugh, thank the LORD you got more attractive, Joe Torres. Maybe the hair wasn't working for you. What you've got going on now is more suited to your torso/head combo. You look like a snappy car salesman. Oh...you ARE a snappy car salesman? Point for me!


JOSH TYGIEL AKA BUDDY ERNST

How sad, Josh Tygiel. Where is your face now? What are you doing with your life? I will make it my life's work to track you down. Meaning my day's work.


What a TERRIBLE picture this is. But I can't do better.

JONATHAN GALKIN AKA JAKE DECKER

This website says his name was Jack but we all know that is wrong. Apparently Jonathan Galkin is into music and started a record label called DFA Records. That's coolio. Make those musics, Jonathan Galkin.

OH EDIT! EDIT THIS PLEASE!!

See? This is why I should be doing my own investigating. Apparently some of these facts are wrong-o. Let me fix.

NO. Wait. You know what? Let them live anonymously. I'm not even going to TELL you who is wrong and who is right. But I will google for Kyle and Lucy.

Well, back from googling. Kyle has dropped off the planet but Lucy is a teacher and part time actor in Florida.

And now, to end this session of Hey Dude:

Not my favorite version. It got all hip or something. Bite my tongue, it was always hip! I just mean...well...hear for yourself:

Oy!

Oh my god it's been DAYS! Where have you been? Where have you been, where have I been?

I've received tens of letters asking what I've been up to lately and the answer is simple. I've been listening to podcasts.

My FAVE podcast is Girl on Girl with Aisha Tyler. Thank you, Aisha Tyler, for existing. You have gotten me thru many an afternoon when I was trying to not do work at work. And thru many mornings, when I was trying to drown out the hubbub of the Health Clinic as I rode it to work.

Here's what her face looks like:



Hotness, right? Her podcast is FREE on iTunes and you must listen to it. She chats it up with not just guy celebrities but about dude things with the ladies too, like video games and movies and puke. So if you like those things, check her out. http://www.girlonguy.net/

She's also on Archer!



Wait. No.



That's better.

And that's what I've been doing.

And Now a Wikipedia Break

Etymology of Sandwich

The first written usage of the English word appeared in Edward Gibbon's journal, in longhand, referring to "bits of cold meat" as a 'Sandwich'. It was named after John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, an 18th-century English aristocrat, although he was neither the inventor nor sustainer of the food. It is said that he ordered his valet to bring him meat tucked between two pieces of bread, and because Montagu also happened to be the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, others began to order "the same as Sandwich!" It is said that Lord Sandwich was fond of this form of food because it allowed him to continue playing cards, particularly cribbage, while eating without getting his cards greasy from eating meat with his bare hands.

Hey look what I found! It's a restaurant called "EARL OF SANDWICH"!!



How have I never heard of this?? I need to go right now.

check it: http://www.earlofsandwichusa.com

At least it's Friday, AMIRIGHT???

My dream night:




and



and

a saying i always thought my friend ross made up

If OPRAH


married DEEPAK CHOPRA


she'd be OPRAH CHOPRA


But I just googled it and it's out there. It's out there.

So I will make up some more. But I won't google if they exist first so that the magic of my imagination can feel good about itself.

Yipes. This game is hard! I just spend too much time trying to make pairings. Here are some of my examples.

WHOOPI CRUISE

Ok. Nope. Stopping right there. I will keep my eye open for good combos but I will not force the issue! I will give it time.

Grocery Shopping on a Budget

TRICKS OF THE TRADE

I have come across a few tricks over the last few years in the ways of grocery shopping that I would like to share with you. Most of these tricks were developed while I was in college, but I still find myself using them today, mainly due to my financial state not improving at all since then.

Trick of the Trade #1: Stealing Cheese

It’s ok to steal cheese. It’s cheese. I’ve stolen cheese. All you do is slip it up your sleeve when you are walking around the store with it. It really helps if you are wearing a big winter coat or something that doesn’t have clingy sleeves. From there you can casually put your hands in your deep pockets and release the cheese into its new hiding place. Boom. You’re a thief. Welcome. Works great with string cheese or the little loaves. Don’t get greedy. The big bricks are not for you.

Trick of the Trade #2: Use the Scan It Yourself Lines

This can be sketchy, especially if there is a grocer hovering around making sure no one is trying to steal anything. Keep an eye out. Since things are weighed at this checkout, you can’t really add extra items without having scanned them, or weigh something half assed on the scale and expect it not to beep and yell at you when the weights don’t match. The only way to go about sneaking items past is to steal small things that aren’t that heavy. For example, a toothbrush. Grab the toothbrush with the same hand you are grabbing the item you will actually scan. Keep the toothbrush’s barcode facing away from the scanner. After you scan the bigger item, put both of them in the bag. This will fool the scanner. Now you are a bigger thief and the scanner is too busy thinking about hot boys to notice you.

Trick of the Trade #3:

Shop at a store that rhymes with Bled Fryer or one like it. They never care if the door alarm happens when you leave. I have been beeped at that store numerous times when I actually bought everything. Do the obvious turn around to make sure an employee sees you. Give a little shrug and kind of hold your bag out. They will wave you to just go on ahead. It’s always good to stop when the alarm happens. If you keep walking then you will look suspicious.

Trick of the Trade #4:

Become a fairly clean, glasses wearing white girl.



I am sounding like a serious shoplifter, when in reality, I’ve only stolen cheese two or three times. And a chap stick once. And one time at the Scan It Yourself, I chose to “skip bagging” and didn’t scan my hair dye. Just held it. I do not “endorse” shoplifting, but rather “suggest” that it is an option for you. If you get caught, you should not do it anymore. If you get caught, smile and say you forgot you were holding that twelve pack of toilet paper. Chances are you will be forgiven.

Espresso Machine Actual

Here she is. Now it's made public via Outlook. Now everyone knows. I found it first, everyone. First coffee this bitch ever made. I took its...bean.